From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Fri Nov 30 13:51:49 2012 Received: from newman.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/IUCS_2.97) with ESMTP id qAUIpmOa020951; Fri, 30 Nov 2012 13:51:49 -0500 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/Submit) id qAUIpmKv020948; Fri, 30 Nov 2012 13:51:48 -0500 Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2012 13:51:48 -0500 From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <201211301851.qAUIpmKv020948@newman.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1508 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1508 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1508 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2012 13:51:37 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1508 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1503 23 votes 08672 29552 23378 54842 26564 06593 39542 16970 66425 23774 1503 3.1 mean 3.1 2.8 3.7 2.7 3.2 3.4 2.7 3.0 2.7 3.3 --- 1508-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Tryng lrn to spk Srb lngdg, hvving trbl wth my vwwls. You sggsted Prep > H. H is nt a vwwl. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It is, in Greek. } } But if vowels aren't your cup of meat, switch to a language } like Hbrw in which you can get away without 'em. No sense } in wasting further time with Srb, which has letters basically } at random anyway. } } You owe the Oracle a nice little tchotchke. Yeah, I know } that's Yiddish, not Hebrew. --- 1508-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > You might want to write that backwards; I think I'm getting dyslexic or > something. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dubya won? No way, bud. } } You owe the Oracle a recount. --- 1508-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > A RepubliCAN, but a SuppliCAN'T? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } True. And a whippoorWILL, but only if you ask } nicely and provide cab fare home afterward. } } You owe the Oracle a bushel of avocaDOES. --- 1508-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I cheated! I'm sorry. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Fine. But you still can't have your job back at the CIA, General. } } You owe the Oracle an autographed copy of your biography. --- 1508-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Mo-o-o-o-om, what can I doooooo? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } 10 Fun Activities For Kids When They Are Bored } } 1. Quit bugging me, OK? } 2. Go find something to do. } 3. I don't know, watch TV or something. } 4. Video games can be highly addictive, try one. } 5. Go to a friend's house, they have video games there too. } 6. You've got all those books in your room, don't you? } 7. Well then, draw horns on all the people in your books. } 8. You haven't reached puberty, right? Well, forget #8 then. } 9. You must have some kind of homework due. } 10. Your dad should be home soon. } } You owe the Oracle an apple pie, just like Mom used to do } for us on holidays: straight from the bakery. --- 1508-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Norquist is Oz? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Not in the slightest, despite comments to that } effect by the talking heads on TV. And, while } he looks like a Munchkin, and sounds even more } like one when he speaks, what he actually is, } is the Wicked Warlock of the Beltway: } } Norquist: Who defeated Mitt Romney? Who killed } the Warlock of the Northeast's chances? Was it } you? } } Obama: No, no. It was a voter turnout machine. } I didn't mean to kill anybody's chances. } } Norquist: Well, my pretty, I can manipulate } voter turnout, too! } } [Cowardly Congresscritter edges away.] } } Norquist: Abandoning your pledge so soon? I } wouldn't hear of it. Why, my grand old party's } just beginning. } } Cowardly Congresscritter: I *do* believe in tax } relief for the wealthy, I *do* believe in tax } relief for the wealthy. I do, I do, I do, I } *do*. } } Norquist: Ah! You'll believe in more than that } before I'm finished with you. Ring around the } rosie, a pocket full of filibusters! Thought } you were pretty foxy, didn't you? Well! The } last to vote for zero percent capital gains } and estate taxes will be the first to lose } their PAC money! And your little dog, too! } } I don't know why he doesn't want dogs to get } elected, but there you go - he's just mean. } } You owe the Oracle a pair of ruby red veto } stamps, and a bucket of water. --- 1508-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm scheduled to go on a trek through the low country. It's called the > "Low Trek." As a rather short fellow I am really quite appropriate for > this expedition. > > I am worried that my pants are too loose, and that I'll fall on my > face, and the others will make fun of me because of my Too Loose Low > Trek. > > Your suggestions? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Rather than walk, you need a ride. Vincent has a van; } Gogh with him. } } You owe the Oracle a sunflower. --- 1508-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I've noticed something. Lisa tends to go on a streak of appearing in > the Digests, and then a streak of disappearing. Does she have to > streak like that? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It's one of her best qualities, really. While I agree it can be quite } distracting, I think you'll find that if...um...oh dear... } } You owe the Oracle some privacy and an egret feather. And hurry. --- 1508-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > How can you sit there and answer questions when people are dyeing? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Um, because the Oracle likes the colors of his eggs and hair? --- 1508-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why did the crackpot leave? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Please, that term is offensive. We prefer to } be referred to as "persons of marginal sanity". } } You owe the Oracle a bottle of Crazy^H^H^H^H^H } Marginal Sanity Glue.