From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Sun Mar 9 21:16:52 2003 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.11.6/8.11.6/IUCS_2.48) id h2A1mW911298; Sun, 9 Mar 2003 20:48:32 -0500 (EST) Date: Sun, 9 Mar 2003 20:48:32 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200303100148.h2A1mW911298@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1312 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1312 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1312 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Sun, 09 Mar 2003 20:48:19 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1312 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1307 59 votes 19sh4 0fof5 4djk3 1akm6 8gkd2 3enh2 99caj 3enj0 3anj4 8bld6 1307 3.1 mean 3.2 3.2 3.1 3.4 2.7 3.0 3.4 3.0 3.2 3.0 --- 1312-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle most awesome, tell me: > > How can I cope with the world of emptiness that weighs heavy upon my > soul? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Something that works for me is to interact heavily with fictitious } Internet personalities. } } You owe the Oracle an askme or three. --- 1312-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle! Oracle! Oracle! You were the greatest thing before > sliced bread. You are greater now then all the sliced bread > combined. You will still be the greatest after the sliced bread > has gone all green and moldy. > > I don't really have a question. I just wanted to tell you how > great and wonderful you are. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Gee, thanks. It's not often I get compared to mouldy bread. } } You owe the Oracle a better way to thank insincere supplicants. --- 1312-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Who is the provider? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } A'ol is the provider. A'ol is the protector. A'ol is the gateway to } knowledge. } } And what of the Link of the Earth? } } A'ol is our only connection. A'ol is the way. A'ol keeps our } children safe from the Unholy Links. } } What of the Brothers Juno and Emessen? } } They are the evil ones. They lure us to the unholy lands of Yahoo } and Ebay. They do not shelter us like A'ol. They do not love us like } A'ol. } } Very good children. Continue in your prayers and someday the Great A'ol } will grant you a connection. } } You owe the Oracle a better vision of the future. This one is just to } frightening. --- 1312-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > void main And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ex-Lax code released to the public. --- 1312-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most wise and resolute. Is it wrong to continue to make fun > of the French when our own country's leader is clearly an idiot? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oui. } } Vous en devez a` l'oracle savant. --- 1312-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most un-dumb, > > What's the stupidest thing any politician has ever said? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Talk about your fish in a barrel question. Son, the field is } so crowded there, the BS so deep, that picking out any one } most lame comment is nigh impossible, everyone has so many } favorites. On the other hand one could easily find ten million } amazingly dumb statements, it'd be child's play. Let's make } this a bit more of a challenge shall we? } } === Ten SMARTEST Things ever Said by a Politician === } } 10. I hereby formally resign. } 09. Okay, don't shoot! I give up! } 08. Sure, we're bound to get caught, but in the mean } time. Woo-Hoo! So quit yer belly aching and keeping } counting, there must be a million bucks in this one } suitcase alone. } 07. Just kiss the babies, wear the funny hats, and take } the bribes kid -- and your reelection is assured. } 06. Et tu Brute? } 05. Neville! You &#$*ing nut! HELLO! Hitler is lying to } you! } 04. I hereby formally concede this election. } 03. But that would be wrong. } 02. Speak to my lawyer. } 01. No comment. } } You owe the Oracle a televised debate between Bob Dole } and Bill Clinton on the merits of viagra. --- 1312-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh my god its full of stars. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } That's because it's "Chicken and Stars" soup, you noodlehead! --- 1312-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle most discerning, > > If I use a caret while eating a carrot to point out where somebody > mixed up "carat" and "karat", what then? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. --- 1312-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Wise Oracle most famous and clever, > > Your dance is done all in good taste, right? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ooooo, you got it, tiger. } } Whoops! Popped you with my feather boa. Sorry about that. } } Do you llllllike what you ... sssssssssssssee? Leopard-print spandex } doesn't come cheap, you know. Especially with the hot pink highlights. } I paid top dollar for this outfit, because if you don't, you just } wind up looking like a tramp, y'know? } } The tune? Oh, that old thing? It's just "Bolero" played by a steel } drum orchestra on crack, with Bob Guccione soloing on triangle. } } Yes, parts of my dance *are* symbolic, how clever of you to notice! } >This< move, for example -- oo, watch it, honey, you spit out your } breath mint! -- >this< move ... you want to see it again? Okay! >This< } move, for example, represents the entire kama sutra performed in one } cosmic explosion by two rabbits on Viagra. } } But to get back to what you were saying, yes, taste is VERY important } to me. Most of the clowns we get in here just don't understand. } If you don't have taste, what do you have? I ask you, what do you have? } I mean, you can look at what I'm doing, and listen to the music, } and smell my musky pheromones, and even reach out and touch me, but, } back me up here (no, not like that!), tell me I'm right -- without } the tongue getting into it, ya got nothing. Right? Right?? } } Oh. } } Um, well, yeah, that too. Yeah, I guess we ... um ... care about that. } Yeah. That. } } You owe the Oracle an MP3 of Leontyne Price singing "Darling Nikki." --- 1312-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Paul Kelly The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Quick, add up the numbers 1 to 100 and give me the answer before > prof Gauss figures out what I am doing! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Why bother? You've only got a 5050 chance to pass this class anyway.