From oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Fri Apr 10 00:10:32 1998 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.17) id AAA28302; Fri, 10 Apr 1998 00:10:32 -0500 (EST) Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1998 00:10:32 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <199804100510.AAA28302@sunos.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1004 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 1004 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1004 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1998 00:10:32 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1004 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 999 103 votes pBq69 nophe 5cqAo agzse hqEf5 fhmpo 7aqEk utpd6 9qCo6 buzn4 999 2.9 mean 2.4 2.8 3.6 3.2 2.7 3.3 3.5 2.4 2.9 2.8 --- 1004-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh wise Oracle, > > could you tell me something about the genealogy of Og? Who's his > parents? Grandparents? What were they (in)famous for? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Once upon a time (I've been waiting all week to use that line again) } there was Og. Og was more or less happy. He had an occasional itch to } scratch, tree to climb and generally not a whole lot of } responsibility. } } One day he pronounced to me that he was board with life and needed } something more challenging. So late one night I removed a rib from } him (genetic material being hard to come by back then) and created } ooG. Og awoke to find ooG next to him in bed. Og startled, jumped } out of bed wrapped the covers around himself, pulling them off ooG. } Who then awoke and promptly began complaining about the state of the } cave. ooG's voice got higher and higher and the more it increased in } pitch the more Og cringed and cowered in the back of the cave. Seeing } this I fixed ooG's voice to a pitch which seemingly made Og shake the } most. ooG then proceeded to move into the closet and throw Og's } things off to one small tiny section of the back announced she was } going shopping with the girls and would be back soon. If Og knew what } was good for him he should best get the lawn done pronto. } } Later, Og in the midsts of complaining to me about ooG, as ooG had } rearranged the cave yet again. He was particularly upset this time } that the TV was pushed off to the side and it was already less than } 10,000 years before the first really good, actually funny, sitcom would } be shown then promptly canceled by the network executives the small } minded creatures that they are.... } } Apologies, I digress. About this time Og realized that complaining to } me was what got him in this mess in the first place and that things } could be worse. He then apologized profusely, promptly left and went } straight home, not even stopping for a drink along the way. } } Thus they lived, more or less, happily ever after. } } You owe the oracle an Apple and not one of Job's, the kind that grows } on trees. You can pick one yourself over by the snake looking fellow. --- 1004-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most Titanic, who's won everything from an > Emmy to a Chubby... > > On this Oscar Eve, I couldn't help but wonder... could you > tell me how many steps you are away from Kevin Bacon in > the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon Game and could you possible > trace them for me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I acted in several movies, under the pseudonym of "God". } } So six degrees to Kevin Bacon. Let's see: } } God(yours truly) and John Cleese (Monty Python & the Holy Grail) } John Cleese and Kevin Kline (A Fish Called Wanda) } Kevin Kline and Danny Glover (Silverado) } Danny Glover and Mel Gibson (Lethal Weapon I,II,III) } Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts (Conspiracy Theory) } Julia Roberts and Kevin Bacon (Flatliners) } } You owe the Oracle all of the above movies, on DVD. --- 1004-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: clemenr@westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, I frequently have to interview candidates for > software engineering positions here. The problem is I don't really > know how to conduct an interview. There doesn't seem to be any kind of > formal training for it. Could you give me a few pointers, please? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Certainly. Sit down. No, not there! Use the other chair. } } Good. Now, the first thing you need to do is assert your dominance. } YOU are the interviewer; you hold power over them, and you need to } establish this fact immediately. Put two chairs across from your } desk. When you ask them to sit, wait until they've selected a } chair, and them tell them to sit in the other one. This gets them } off-balance from the beginning. Hunt around for their resume, as } if they weren't important enough to keep on top. } } Now, many male candidates for a software engineering position will } come in sporting long hair. Tell them (whether it's true or not) } that your company has a strict dress code which forbids long hair } on men. If they agree to cut their hair, then they most likely will } meekly accept whatever tasks or positions are given them, and won't } come gunning for your job in six months. On the other hand, it also } means they're stupid enough to want to work for a company that } places a higher value on appearance than on ability, but hey, at } least *your* job is safe. } } Next, look at the candidate's clothing, especially the shoes. If } they look cheap, worn or ill-fitting, the candidate is probably } desperate for a job and will accept a much lower salary than someone } wearing high-quality, tailored clothes. } } Ask them about the stuff on their resume. Don't actually listen to } what they say; instead, pay attention to their eyes. If their eyes } widen, or they look to the right or left when they're talking, then } they're probably lying. If they look up, they're either praying } you'll believe them, or there are lawn dwarfs dancing in the window } behind you. If they look straight at you without blinking, they're } probably a Scientologist, in which case *not* hiring them will get } you slapped with a religious-discrimination lawsuit. If they look } down the entire time, they're probably humble, meek and obsequious } -- so send them over to me and I'll pay you a hefty headhunter's fee } for finding me another priest. } } Finally, if you think they might have some actual talent, show them } a printout of some code containing a bug which has so far eluded } your department's coders, and ask them to find it, as a "test of } their abilities". If they find it, even if you don't actually end } up hiring them, at least you've gotten some free work out of them. } } You owe the Oracle a diesel software engine. --- 1004-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mike Nolan The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh great one, whose pristine light shines like a rainbow of answers, > what will be the future of mankind now since the following announcement > has been made? > vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv > > ITU ANNOUNCES IMMEDIATE AUCTION OF ENTIRE ELECTROMAGNETIC SPECTRUM > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Geneva (April 1). The International Telecommunications Union (ITU) > today announced that it was selling the entire set of frequencies of > the electromagnetic spectrum in order to provide a permanent endowment > for the United Nations family of organizations for the indefinite > future. > > "We've learned a lot from our American colleagues at the FCC, said a > spokesperson for the ITU. Their spectrum allocation auctions have > convinced us that the capitalist model is superior to our established > ways of allocating spectrum. We realized that we could improve on their > model by extending the auction to include all frequencies, not just > those for narrow communication purposes. > > As might be expected, initial bidding activity has been fiercest in the > visible frequency range. An anonymous source has reported that IBM has > been bidding in excess of U.S. $50 million for the rights to exclusive > use of Pantone 3462, otherwise known as IBM Blue. Cosmetics > manufacturers are fighting fiercely for rights to use approximately 218 > different very narrow frequency ranges in the reds, ensuring > uniqueness for their extensive collection of lipsticks and other > cosmetics. > > In a bold move to preserve financial stability, the U. S. Government > immediately appropriated the U.S. dollar green part of the spectrum to > protect the integrity of its money supply. Shortly thereafter, House > Majority Leader Newt Gingrich introduced a bill that prohibited turning > (that shade of) green with envy by illegal aliens. At a campaign rally > in Orange (tm), Connecticut, Presidential candidate Pat Buchanan > quickly endorsed the measure but added that it did not go far enough. > "We'll put full frequency filters all along the wall at the Mexican > border, he said, to make sure that those foreigners don't steal > all-American frequency rights!" he said. The Justice Department has > promised full cooperation in the event that the bill became law. > > Vladimir Zhirinovsky, a leading contender for the Russian Presidency, > said, "Red is our heritage, our birthright! You can auction all the > other frequencies in the spectrum, but after I win the next election I > shall take this matter up immediately and most forcefully with your > Governing Body!" > > The Ku Klux Klan registered extreme dismay when the purity of the > whiteness of their costumes began to degrade as slivers of the > frequencies comprising white were auctioned off and withdrawn from the > market. Faced with the realization that as more and more frequencies > are withdrawn from public use, the color of their robes will ultimately > approach black as a limit, a spokesperson said, "It just ain't no fun > here anymore," and suggested that this might be sufficient to cause the > organization to disband. > > Manufacturers of prisms for physics instruction were aghast at the > thought of having to produce prisms that displayed only those specific > colors for which no bid was obtained or accepted. The National Council > of Scientific Instrument Manufacturers has stated its intent to > petition the National Science Foundation to create an Acceptable Use > Policy that would allow unrestricted use of the visible part of the > spectrum for instructional purposes only. > > Blue Cross/Blue Shield was ecstatic about the auction, saying that the > sky was the limit for their bid for the X-ray frequencies. "Once we > obtain these frequencies for our appropriate use, medical care issues > in this country with respect to HMOs and PPOs can be definitively > solved," a spokesperson said. > > Manufacturers of sunscreen and other blocking agents bid highly for the > ultra-violet part of the spectrum, vowing to place them in a public > trust for public benefit, saying, "the public cannot be deprived of > this valuable natural resource. By our actions, we shall preserve it > for future generations." > > Monochrome computer video display manufacturers expressed secret > satisfaction at the sudden move. One of them volunteered off the > record, "Since black is the absence of any color, we'll be in business > as long as we can use any other visible frequency whatsoever!" > > In an ironic consequence of this new policy, representatives of the ITU > were unable to sign the agreement awarding the charcoal gray frequency > to Brooks Brothers because the only pen available used ink of a color > that had already been auctioned off. Knowing the integrity of the UN > family of organizations, the Brooks Brothers representative consummated > the deal with a handshake. > > A resale market for frequencies has rapidly developed. The Chicago > Commodities Exchange has announced that it is making a primary market > in frequency rights, and trading has begun. At press time, October > yellows in the 3.34-3.50 THz range were quoted at $2.50 bid and $2.625 > asked per angstrom, with 146 contracts already finalized. Christmas > season reds and greens have quadrupled in price since the market > opened, and traders are anticipating vigorous market activity later > this year. > > ITU officials were very pleased with the results of the auction so far, > declaring that the revolution had just started. Said one ITU > representative, "With this auction we've only affected the space > impacting one of the five human senses. We're currently looking into > the ownership of rights to the audible frequencies and olefactory > space, and we hope to proceed with another offering very soon." > > The Headquarters of the International Telecommunications Union is > located in Geneva, Switzerland. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } ///ERROR/// } } Error code: DAT0401 } } Error description: April Fools prank post received before or after } approved date. } } Recommended action: Refer to Customer Service representatives. } } Guido and Luigi will be with you shortly. In the meantime, bear in mind } that you owe the Oracle a really good April 2nd joke. --- 1004-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Forbes, Michael Scott (Scott)" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle, mightier than the moon at night, more shiny than the stars > that pierce the darkness, able to copy, sort and collate 10 million > 'Starry Night' prints, tell me: > > Is it true that staplers are really just tiny, mechanical vampires? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Let's compare the similarities and differences of each: } } SIMILARITIES } } Vampire Stapler } ------------------ ------------------- } Has long, sharp teeth Has long, sharp teeth } Holy water causes damage Holy water causes rust } Cannot eat garlic Cannot eat garlic } Sleeps in wooden coffin Sleeps in wooden drawer } Turns invisible when sought Turns invisible when sought } Does not appear to age Does not appear to age } Can draw blood Can draw blood } Cannot cross running water Cannot cross running water } under own power under own power } Cannot enter your home unless Cannot enter your home unless } invited carried } } DIFFERENCES } } Vampire Stapler } ------------------ ------------------- } No reflection in mirror. Reflects in mirror. } Afraid of crosses. No reaction to crosses. } Able to fly. Doesn't fly very well. } Can change shape. Cannot change shape. } Can hypnotize with a glance. No eyes to glance with. } } As you can see, there are more similarities than differences. } Ordinarily, that might be enough to suggest that, yes, staplers are } just little mechanical vampires. } } However, there's one more big difference, one which tips the scales } towards a big resounding "NO": you don't see geeky Goth-wannabees } running around the club scene pretending to be staplers. } } You owe the Oracle the Player's Guide for "Stapler: The Gathering". --- 1004-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most wise, while reading some newsgroups I have seen some > shortcuts I do not understand: IMO, IMHO and BTW (by time writing?). > Please explain them for me. Excuese me for my terribly bad english, > and there is a lot of buttons here. > > Thanks And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } AFAIK (and I'm the Oracle, so IK), they have no meaning. They are just } random bunches of letters which geeks with no life throw in to confuse } the non-cognoscenti. OTOH, some people believe that the Internet } Cabal (TINC) or the Lumber Cartel (TINLC) insert them into messages to } confuse the non-cognoscenti. These people are wrong. FYI, some people } write FAQs and post them to n.a.n with explanations of what they mean. } WRT these, they are all post-facto explanations devised either by the } non-cognoscenti or by the geeks to confuse the non-cognoscenti (so that } the geeks can tell the non-cognoscenti to RTFM while the geeks are } ROFLTAO). } } IOW, YHBT. FWIW, JS "GoAT" whenever you see a TLA. } } HTH. HAND. } } BTW, IMNSHO YOTO a LART ASAP. TIA. --- 1004-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: clemenr@westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Mighty Oracular One: > Am I having a heart attack? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Let's check your symptoms, shall we? } } 1) Sweaty palms } 2) Alternating feelings of panic and exhilaration } 3) Shortness of breath and associated panting } 4) Your life is passing before your eyes } 5) Dilated pupils } 6) Accelerated heartbeat } } I'd say no, Mr. President, you're not having a heart attack. You're } just ready to be on the make again now that Paula Jones' case has been } dropped. } } Congratulations, sir. } } You owe the Oracle a budget that's balanced...on the breasts of a naked } intern. --- 1004-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Darkmage The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > God was supposed to show up in Texas on March 31st. What happened? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Um. Well. Er, that was sort of my fault. } } You see Lisa and I invited everyone over to the Oracular Temple for a } New Year's Eve party last December - you know, Zeus, Buddha, Jehovah, } all the big guns were there, plus most of the hip young deities who are } just making the scene. } } It was a great party. } } Still is in fact. } } I mean how do you tell someone who's omnipotent that they had enough to } drink and that it's time to go home. And Thor's been wearing that } lampshade on his head for the past month, which is a bit embarrassing } for those Norse gods who haven't been totally plastered since January. } } Now, sure, it's wreaking havoc with the Oracular budget, and OK, we've } had to postpone a few major world events like Armageddon (no, Saddam } backing down wasn't part of the original script, but we'll work around } it), and a few monks in Tibet will have to remain unenlightened for a } little longer, and supernova 3145c is now supernova 3146f. Oh and } Jehovah missed his prime-time spot. } } But to be completely frank, we haven't had a bash this good since the } middle ages, and you guys seem to be muddling along OK, so we're making } the most of it while we can. } } Now if you'll excuse me, I was having a *most* interesting conversation } with a certain young pagan fertility goddess. } } You owe the Oracle some pizzas for the Aztec gods (no, you don't want } to look too closely at the toppings). --- 1004-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Julianna Avedon The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Personal Log, final entry: > > I knew it was a mistake to take this assignment. As much as > certain kooks have panicked about the dangers of genetic engineering, > it is obviously a field with so many possilibities. I dreamed of curing > cancer, feeding the world on a ten acre farm, and making sure no one > as evil as Hitler, Stalin, or L. Ron Hubbard was ever born to a member > of my species again. With the funding from my anonymous sponser, we > have come up with a vaccine that would slash the occurance of many > diseases, found a way to prevent many birth defects in vitro, and were > ready to bring a new anti-coagulant to the market that could save > thousands of lives. However, I knew that nothing in life was free, > and finally my sponsor contacted me to ask for a "little favor". > Refusing would eliminate our funding, while success would bring us > enough revenue to complete the many promising experiments that were > on the verge of success. Even as I pulled my teams off their projects > and placed them on 20-hour workdays, I knew the danger of what we > were attempting. Security was quadrupled, and enough biological > containment was enacted to make the mouth of a CDC scientist water. > I though we were in control. > > I was wrong. > > Now I sit in the final room between the most horrenous threat > to human life that has ever occured and the outside world. Next to me > are the dozen that remain from what was 300 highly trained security > personnel. Scientists who once were squeamish about stepping on a > bug sit with automatic weapons in their laps, aimed at the door - > a brutally Darwinian process having weeded out all those who could > not survive in the face of the horror. Even the wounded hold weapons, > because they know there is no escape, and pray that with their deaths > they can buy the outside world time to prepare for the horrendous > union of a bright red Siamese fighting fish and a woodchuck. > > They are at the door. We can hear them working their way > through metal designed to survive a direct nuclear blast. To anyone who > recieves this message, prepare yourself, for the only thing capable > of stopping them is... fgh8764634qnzx6b46*)C%T^$%^Q dhf dghje68648x > z4e6 A@#^&^A toolatetheyareherestopthempleas And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Zadoc looked up from the paper he was reading, his face whiter than } usual, his features contorted with fear. He felt cold inside, unable } to move. } } The Oracle glanced at him from his throne. "Zadoc! Zadoc! } ZAAAAADOOOOOC!" he roared. "What is the matter with you? What is } that you're reading?" } } Zadoc shook himself out of his stuper. "You might want to read this... } It's what we always feared..." He trembled as he handed the paper } to his master. } } The Oracle grunted. "I fear nothing, you insignificant little worm. } Now let me see here..." } } As he read it, The Oracle showed no emotion but a slight twitching } at the corners of his eyes. He finished, and slowly set the paper } down into his lap. } } "Do you know what will stop them, Oh greatest of the great, wisest } of the wise?" Zadoc asked, his voice shaking. } } "Yes," intoned the Oracle grandly, his voicing echoing majestically } throughout the chamber. He looked at Zadoc expectantly. Zadoc looked } puzzled. The Oracle frowned darkly. } } A light flashed over Zadoc's head. "Oh, oh, I see!" he exclaimed. } He fell to his knees facing The Oracle. "Oh Oracle, you who are } so wonderful, so brilliant, who shines like a beacon in a storm, } for whom.." } } "GET ON WITH IT!" shouted The Oracle. "Dammit, man, ask the question! } This is no time for extensive grovelling!" } } Zadoc looked like he might burst into tears, but managed to hold } himself together. "What will stop the dreaded cross-breed between } the Bright Red Siamese Fighting Fish and the woo-" } } "DON'T SAY THAT WORD," boomed the Oracle. } } Zadoc was shaking like a leaf "-ah, between the Bright Red Siamese } Fighting Fish and the Creature-Who-Shall-Forever-Remain-Nameless, } oh Lord of all knowledge? } } The Oracle stepped down from his throne and whispered in Zadoc's ear. } Zadoc began to smile. The Oracle stepped back, folded his arms, } and looked smug. Zadoc giggled, which made the Oracle frown again, } which caused Zadoc to start trembling (again). } } "Would you like me to contact them for you?" asked Zadoc. } } "No, no, I better do this myself. You botched it up last time, had } them chasing aliens all over Utah or some such thing." The Oracle } stepped back up to his throne and pulled out his laptop. He began } to compose an email message... } ************************************** } } Mulder was throwing pencils at the ceiling again. Scully shuddered. } He was such a *dweeb* sometimes. She went back to reading "Women Who } Are Unappreciated by the Men They Work With." He wasn't getting the } not-so-subtle hint. } } "Hey Scully, look at this!" } } "Mulder, if this is another midget-abduction-cow thing, I'm not } interested." } } "No, no, it's an email I just received from one of my sources. } Actually, my best source. He's never given me a bad tip." } } "Sure, Mulder." But her curiosity was peeked, so she went over to } check it out. } } ------------------------------------------------ } From: A Friend } To: Agent Mulder } } Mulder, } } A research lab in Western Tenessee. Something very strange going } on - a lot of screaming over the last week, and no one has left the } building in months. We think the government is involved somehow. } } The Big O } ------------------------------------------ } } Scully sighed. "Mulder, this is so vague as to be useless. What makes } you think there's a case here?" } } Mulder looked crestfallen. "But...but..." And his lower lip began } to tremble. } } "Oh, oh, I'm sorry Mulder! We can investigate! Really! C'mon, } let's go!" cried Scully, hoping that humouring him would help. } } Mulder nodded, fighting back the tears. "I'm sorry, it's just we } haven't had a decent case in months and the office really smells } and...and...and..." } } "Shhh, shh, it's ok, let's go to Tennessee." } ***************************** } } "Yep," grunted the Farmer. "Weird goings-on up there. Yep." } } Scully sighed. It was another one of *those* days. So far they'd } talked to fifty people, and they'd all just said there were weird } things happening. Suddenly, Mulder grabbed her arm. "Look!" } he shouted. } } Something was racing up the road towards them. It was red, and } small, and looked almost like a fish...but... with really HUGE teeth! } And it was attacking! } } Scully fired, catching the thing right between the eyes. It fell } back to the earth, wriggling. } } "Yep," said the farmer. "Pretty weird." He stomped off into the } field. } } "My god.." breathed Mulder. "Someone has cross-bred Woodchucks with } Siamese Fighting Fish! There's probably thousands of them up at } that lab!" } } Scully stared at him. "Mulder, you always make these bizarre intuitive } logical leaps, with no apparent basis in reality!" } } He grinned. "But I'm usually right, aren't I? C'mon!" He took off } for the car. } } They arrived at the lab. All was quiet. A little TOO quiet. } } "Shouldn't we call for backup?" asked Scully. } } "Have we *ever* needed backup, Scully?" replied Mulder. "We can } take care of this ourselves. Here." He handed her what looked like } a grenade, except it had "RHOD" printed down the side. } } "Mulder, *where* did you get this?" } } "Huh? Oh...I.." He looked puzzled. "I have no idea!" } } Scully sighed for the five thousandth time that day. Tonight, she } thought to herself, I am *definately* putting in for a transfer. } } The entered the lab. There were bodies everywhere, and a mysterious } screaming noise coming from the hallway behind the damaged door. } It was getting closer, and closer, and closer... } } "Scully, the RHODWIT!" screamed Mulder as a thousand angry Red } Siamese Fighting Woodchucks came boiling through the door. } } "Huh?" } } "The Grenade, the grenade!" } } Scully quickly pulled the pin and threw it at the RSFWs. } } A brilliant light surrounded the RSFWs, causing them to stop dead } in their tracks and look confused. From the light emerged men, } and women, and pimpled teenagers, all with slightly green skin from } staring at their monitors too long, and bruises on their foreheads, } almost like they had been worshipping in some strange cult... } ******************** } } Scully woke up outside the lab. "What? Mulder? Mulder!" } } He was lying beside her, looking around uncertainly. "Scully, what } happened to us?" } } "I don't know. The last thing I remember was light, and people } talking about Texas Barbeques and a little girl playing some kind of } musical instrument... And those creatures were all dead...And they } were cooking and eating them..." } } "C'mon, Scully, let's go home." } ********************************* } } Zadoc grinned. "It happened just like you said, oh most wonderful } of masters! But how did you know?" } } The Oracle plucked a few grapes from the bunch Lisa was holding out to } him and rolled them around in his fingers. "Because, no matter what } impossible situation Mulder and Scully get into, everything always } works out OK in the end. I merely exploited that. The Rhodites } were a bit of a surprise, but hey, they got the job done, and the } Barbequed Red Siamese Fighting Beast-Who-Shall-Forever-Remain-Nameless } was delicious." } } Zadoc considered this. "But there's one thing I still don't } understand... Who made the scientists create those creatures?" } } The Oracle glared. "No grovel, no answer, Zadoc. But don't worry, } I'll be taking care of him in the next episode...I mean I'll take } care of him later." --- 1004-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Leo L. Schwab" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Pop Quiz: > > You're in a room with David Rhodes, B1FF, and Joel Furr. > You have a gun with only two bullets. > What do you do? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } 5H()()+ B1FF +\/\/|[E